When I said you are the best thing that has happened to me in a long time, I meant it, more than you could ever understand.

You have loved me in a way I have never experience.

You met me at a very strange time in my life.

I am currently probably the least proud of myself I have ever been, and against all odds you have found a way to love me anyway.

You see every disgusting unlovable part of me, and you still find good.

I cant even do this, and I am not sure how you do, but I thank you for it, I thank you so much.

You have been my family, you have stood beside me in my darkest hours, and have been the only one who has never let me down.

You saved me Trucker, you saved my life.

I am not sure I would have had the will to face this world without you.

It is too harsh when you are all alone.

I am a better person because you loved me.

I would like to think that I have offered the same comforts to you, but I know in my heart this is not true.

I have treated you in ways you have never deserved to be treated.

I guilt you constantly, and I put you down daily.

This behavior disgusts me, you deserve so much more.

Please know when I say I want to leave it is not because due to not loving you, it is in fact the opposite.

I love you very much, and I know you deserve much more than I have given you.

I feel that leaving you will only benefit you in the end.

I also think that I behave this way to push you away, because you scare me.

Everyone leaves me, it is only a matter of time.

You say it is not true, but it's hard to get past the fears.

You are a better person than I am, so I thank you for staying around.

I want you to know that I love you, and that I always will. 

If we ever do go our separate ways I want no hard feelings left behind.

If I had to leave you with only memories I would want you to remember all the laughs, all the nights spent sharing secrets, all the days spent lying in bed, and all the happiness that existed between us.

I would want you to know that someone loves you, and always will.

I admire you, I believe in you, I love you. Nothing could ever change this.

You have made your mark, and it will never go away.

I hope that soon I may become what you deserve, I want that more than anything.

If I am however not able to do this, I want to atleast be able to say I loved you enough to let you go, because you deserve the best when it comes to love.

Thank you for everything you have been, for everything you are.

I want you around for the ride that is my life.

There will be many twists and turns, but with you I feel it will be worth the while.

I love you, more than I can show, but I will try.

Words are empty without actions to back them up, you are worthy of action.

Here is to you,

my best friend.

my lover.

always.

I have lost contact with myself, and it becomes more obvious every passing day.

Where did I go, and who is this insecure, scared, and ashamed girl who took place of what I once was?

What caused this change?

Was it my father? Was it my mother? Blame could be placed in many people, but I should be searching for the answer inside myself, deep down, looking for a girl I can recognize.

When did I become so insecure? I am afraid of my own voice, holding back my entire personality out of fear it might be rejected, or judged by those around me. When did I start to care about this? Where is the girl who always spoke her mind? Where is the girl with a personality big enough to fill a room? Where is the girl who was confrontational, and willing to make a fool of herself?

When did all this fear set in? Why is it that I can not trust anyone, and that I always am watching for any possible betrayal coming around the corner? When did my mind become a place for dreaming up all the ways other people could possibly be trying to hurt me? What happened to the girl who believed in the good in people, and loved without holding back? Where is the girl who never once felt the need to test people, or question their intentions? Where is the girl who allowed herself to enjoy today without worrying if it will all be gone tomorow. I need that girl so much.

Why cant I forgive myself? What do I have to be so ashamed of? Why can I no longer accept myself, and forgive my mistakes, like I so willingly forgive the mistakes of others? It can not be changed now, the past makes up the callusses on my hands, it is all a part of who I am. Good or bad, I have to let go of this shame, learn to love myself again.

I could be having the time of my life, that is what these years are for. I could be expressing myself, making misakes, and later laughing at them. I could be falling madly in love without holding back. I could be confident and having the time of my life even if it means I might make an ass of myself. All of this is what living is about. Living in shame, insecurity, anger, and fear, is simply not living at all. I have become a walking corpse. Bring me back to life, I want to live again.

then.
down.
far away.

Do you still talk to the person who hurt you most in your life?
Yes, it's not all that avoidable.

Does the last person who put their arm around you mean anything to you?
Not sure who it was, but I am sure they are at least a good friend, I don't let many people touch me.

Could you go a whole year without cursing?
I have done it before, but that was forced.

Have you snuggled with someone you weren't dating?
No, cant say that I have. Most people I like I am dating. I consider myself girlfriend material, not just some fling chick, that and I am pretty particular.

Were you single on Valentines Day?
I believe I was.

Have you smoked a cigarette today?
I just put one out.

How's your hair looking?
Down, blonde.

Do you have someone who you can be your complete self around?
I am always my complete self, somedays its just a little different then others.

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
It's possible, but not likely.

How many people do you trust fully?
Me.

When you're bored in class, what do you usually do?
Try my best to stay focused.

How would your parents react if you got a tattoo?
They would not be thrilled, but then again it's kinda too late to do anything about it once its there.

Have you ever fallen asleep with the last person you kissed?
I had, yes. :/

Have you ever kissed someone with tattoos?
Yes, I have.

Who was the last person you took a picture with?
I don't know, I avoid pictures like cancer.

Where were you at noon yesterday?
School.

Would you hug the last person you hugged, again?
Of course, lover her :]

Name something that made you frown today?
I don't think I actually frown lol

Do you have anything that belongs to a boyfriend/​​​​girlfriend?​​​​
No, but my ex has some of my stuff.

Do you believe exes can be friends?
Of course, I am friends with all of mine, and I have dated most of them more than once haha.

Do you have a best friend?
I don't. I don't really believe in "best friends" I have several close friends, but not one "best friend'. The person you marry will probably be your actual best friend.

Will you be in a relationship in a week?
I doubt it, but you never know. Life can have some unexpected twists.

Look at your nails; Do they need to be cut?
Haha are you kidding? I am a nail biter.

Where did you get that shirt you're wearing?
Uh idk, its a Georgia shirt so probably a sports store.

Have you ever wasted too much time thinking of a boy/girl?
I don't believe in wasting time on people. Just because it didn't turn out how you wanted does not mean it was a waste of time.

Who do you blame for your bad mood today?
I am in a good mood.
_____________________________________________

Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
Yes, but it's not true. I also don't really enjoy being on a pedestal, usual they are created by unrealistic belifes I could never fufill.

Ever liked someone who treated you like crap?
I liked them until they started to treat me like crap. I haven't liked guys like that in a few years.

Have you ever been called heartless?
Once I think :/

Have you ever liked someone older than you?
Most everyone I have ever liked was older than me.

Is there someone you will never forget?
It's kind of hard to forget someone when they played a significant role, so yes there are many people I will never forget.

Have you kissed anyone whose name starts with an A?
Dont think so.

Do you truly hate anyone?
No, I do not.

Do you want someone back in your life?
If someones not in my life now there is a reason. I may want them back in my life, but not if its in the same way they left it.

What's going on between you and the last person you texted?
Idk.

Have you ever felt like you literally needed someone?
We all do at one point or another, there is a reason why we weren't put here alone.

What's going on between you and the last person you kissed?
:[ Seems that is over, no hard feelings though, I still think highly of him.

Do you always answer your phone?
As long as it's on me and I am in a place where I can talk, of course. If not I try to atleast text back and explain I will call later. (being considerate)

Someone phones you at 3:00 am; who do you expect it to be?
Haha, one of my other friends that never sleep.

What brings out the worst in you?
Being ignored, without a doubt.

Who was your last missed call from?
My brother.


Do you think a lot of people think bad things about you?
I think most people dont even know me to care.

How are you feeling?
:/

Is there someone you used to talk to everyday but don't anymore?
There are a few. I miss most of them.

Did someone screw you over lately?
No.

What about weed?
What about it?

What do you think about people drinking at your age?
As long as they are being responsible about it, I don't really have anything to say. Basically, I don't care what other people do, but alcohol/alcoholism is a sensitive spot for me, since I have dealt with a couple of bad alcoholics in my life. I know what it can ( and has done ) to people.

Can you recall the last time you liked someone a lot?
yeah..

Will you be in a relationship next month?
Probably not, but how am I to know.

What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
Watched a terribly depressing movie.

The last person you kissed, where are they?
Idk.

Were you smiling in the last picture taken of you?
I seriously doubt it, I don't like how my smile photographs.

Have you ever done something you promised yourself you wouldn't?
I doubt it unless life just ended up changing my veiws. For example maybe I said I would never talk to someone again, but given time and effort on their part I changed that veiw, because they changed. Other than that I am pretty set in stone about what I will or will not do.

Who was the last person to lay on your bed?
I can assure you it was someone other than me, I don't sleep in that room.

Movies or bowling?
Bowling, easy. I hate going to movies.

Has anything happened in the past month that made you really mad?
Yes, which is saying something considering I am very slow to anger.

Are you hiding something from someone?
No, I don't really hide things of any importance.

Regret anything you did lately?
No.

When was the last time you kissed someone?
After my wreck, so the 26th. (July)
I am very good with dates.

Is anything bothering you right now?
Yeah, but Im dealing with it.

Good mood?
I am working on it.

Do you like getting big hugs?
I like them if I haven't seen you in ages, otherwise I am usually not a very affectionate person unless I am dating the person, otherwise I am just not a touchy feely person.

Is it easy to make you smile?
Yes.

Why did you ignore the last person you ignored?
I can't even remember who that would have been, since I do not typically ignore people. I stopped that sort of behavior after a certain age, because I felt it was no longer an acceptable tactic for dealing with people with whom I was angry/&etc. Seriously ... how stupid and childish would I look if I acted like the common "Neener neeener neeeener I can't hear you!" 5-year-old? xD It's an amusing image, but it's not attractive. Ignoring people, unless they're better off being ignored is kind of well, meh. It just doesn't solve anything, most of the time.

What was the last stupid thing someone talked you into believing?
Haha, who knows.

What's at the top of your to do list in life?
I have always wanted a family, but I am not the kind of girl waiting on a ring. Everything will happen in its own time.

Where are you the most ticklish?
Everywhere, seriously.

Would you put your life in danger to rescue someone?
More than likely.

Which is worse for you: being hot, or being cold?
Hot. I hate being hot.

If you had the opportunity to live forever, would you take it?
And watch everyone I loved die over and over?
I don't think so.

Have you made someone happy today?
I hope so, or at least I hope I do at some point.

Do you generally watch a lot of television?
No. Just HBO. Mostly True Blood, thats about it.

Do you think tomorrow will be a good day?
I think so, yes.

Who's butt did you last slap?
Haha, I don't think I have anytime recently.

What is true love to you?
Well, love is an emotion. And everyone experiences emotions differently. So, "true love" is kind of hard to define.
I do however usually think loving someone means putting them before yourself

___________________________
Who’s the last person who texted you?
Neary.

Do you brush your teeth in the shower?
I have before but not regularly.

In the past two weeks have you hugged someone you have/had feelings for?
Nope.

Do you like when people play with your hair?
It depends who. Again, I am very particular about who touches me. I don't mean to be rude, but there is really no reason why you should have to put your hands on me, unless we are dating.

Can you be your complete self around the person you like?
im always myself, not just around persons I like.

Do you know what you are going to wear tomorrow?
Yes, only cause I had to pack.

Have you ever fallen asleep in someone’s arms?
Yep, I enjoy it.

Do you want someone you can’t have?
I don't know that I couldn't have it.

Who was the last person to sleep in your bed?
Someone other than me, I don't sleep in my bed.

Have you ever done a chinese fire drill?
what?

Are you married?
I am not.

How's your life lately?
Its been a hell of a roller coaster ride, but that's alright, I will pull through and be better than okay.

What's something that always has to be in the fridge?
All sorts of drinks. I swear, I am always thirsty.

Did you mean 'i love you' when you said it last ?
I never say it without meaning it, I also never say it first.

How are you feeling right now?
Pretty alright, kinda having trobule breathing, I should probably cut back on the smokes.

Last thing to make you smile?
The simple things.

Has someone ever told you they would be with you forever?
Hahaha, yes. I didn't buy it, which was good.

Have you ever held hands with anyone?
Well of course.

Have you ever been suspended?
Several times, I have wisend up though.

Have you ever had your heart broken?
Yes, and in many different ways. The end of a relationship is not the only way to have a heart broken. You also dont have to love someone to have your heart broken, its kindof just extreem disappointment and sadness.

Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is ok?
Not at all.

Be honest, do you play the "game" when you are dating?
No, I am not interested in wasting my time or anyone elses. What you see is what you get.

If you could get married anywhere, without money mattering, where would it be?
That honestly doesn't matter at all to me, my affections are not bought.

Sex buddies - good or bad?
I am the girlfriend type, thank you.

Do you easily give in when you are arguing?
Not really, because I rarely argue, so when I do it's something I am passionate about.

Have you ever wished you could've had someone but you messed that up?
Oh yeah. :/

_____________________________________

1. If your significant other was paralyzed from the waist down, would he be a burden to you? Or would you still love him the same way?
I have no significant other, but if I did, of course they would not be a burdon, and it would in no way change the way I felt about them. It would take a lot of getting used too, but much more on their part than mine. How selfish to consider it a burden. It would be a challege for them, and Id want nothing but to be by their side.

2. Do you agree with the saying "a cheater is always a cheater"?
Some people its a one time thing, others it's everyone they date. I do not think thats saying is fair though, people can change if they want to, its all about willingness, honesty, openess, and communication. Communicate what you need, obviously somethings missing, and chances are they are more than willing to give it to you.

3. Assuming you have a significant other, how would you feel if he suggested having a three some?
I don't have a significant other, but even if i did I honestly don't see myself enjoying one. I am pretty sure id have to kill the other chick if my guy was enjoying her too much. I really don't see that going over well.I am hardly the jealous type, but watching my boyfriend have sex with some other chick doesn't sound enjoyable.and is really pushing it. Want other women? That's what the single lifes for, baby.

4. What do you do to maintain your healthy and/or body?
I really don't to be honest. I used to run but it's started to die down. I don't gain weight easily, but if I want to lose it I just eat less. I am not one for going to gyms.

5. Is there anybody from your past, that you miss?
If I miss someone from my past I bring them back into my life, at least if it's possible.

6. What are your views on one night stands?
Personally, I will pass, but what you do with yours isn't really any of my concern I am not to quick to judge people for their sexual choices, after all they are completely personal, and none of my business.

7. Is there any music type that puts you in the mood?
Quite frankly my dear, when I am in the mood I am not paying attention to the music. ;]

8. When you imagine your wedding... How do you picture it?
Honestly I am still not sure I would even go the traditional route. That's a lot of money to spend, and frankly my family would never make it work. It may just be, me, whoever, and witnesses. Idk, Im in no hurry, we will see.

9. What is your opinion of gay marriage?
It really doesn't bother me at all.

10. Do you prefer sleeping by yourself, or with somebody else?
As far as comfort level by myself of course, but I wont begin to say I dont love falling asleep in someones arms, not just anybody though.

11.If you've ever had sex before, how was your last experience?
I enjoyed it very much, always did.

11. Do you constantly always pick out your own flaws, when really nobody knows them until you point them out?
I don't usually verbally point them out, its kindof in my head, but as far as pointing they out to myself, I do sometimes more than others, usually I am a pretty confident person. I don't get cocky by any means, but I am typically comfortable with who I am.

12. Do you know anybody with a contagious laugh?
I have known a few of those people, Deborah for sure.

13. Name something from your childhood that would comfort you when you were scared.
My dads stories.

14. Have you ever been "speechless" because of another person?
Yes, though the speechlessness was brought about by different things in different situations.

15. If you were pregnant right now, and you knew that if you had an abortion, there would be no chance of children in the future, would you keep it?
I would keep my baby anyway. I would want my child. I don't feel I should tell everyone else what to do, but I personally would want to keep my child.

16. Have you ever been through a natural disaster?
Yes.

17. Do you over analyze things?
Hahaha. I over analyze everything, seriously. Anything you say, anything you do, I sit and try to figure out the how and the why. I find it terribly annoying.

18. Are you open about your sex life?
I mean I wouldn't deny something if asked, but I don't feel the need to just tell others about my sex life either.

19. Have you ever needed a best friend, boyfriend, family member, whatever to lean on, & they failed to do so?
That's been a issue lately, but I made it through all the same, so what's the point it bitching about it?

20. Can you sleep in pure silence?
No, but I am also pretty sure that does not exist.

21. Have you ever had a brush of death?
Yes, all because of stupd things I did.

22. If so, did that make you see life differently, or change any aspect of it?
No not really.

23. Do you appreciate the small things that life has to offer?
Yes, I think it is mostly those things that I appreciate.

24. Do you think you will attend your ten year class reunion?
Hard to say right now, let's give it ten years.

25. What is the most romantic thing you've done for a significant other?
I am not really the romantic type. I just enjoy their company, give affection, and hope they enjoy mine. I mean I will say nice things, and do things for them, but nothing really over the top.

26. Are you trying not to have feelings for someone right now?
I don't really believe in forcing or avoiding things like that. If I feel I like someone, then I go with it. Something will happen out of it, or it wont.

27. Would you say your a forgiving person?
I think so. I don't just forgive for no reason, but if the person has truly changed then I am more than willing to give them a chance and a clean slate to start on. If they have changed, I will never put the past in their face ever again. It's forgiven.

28. Do you have a tattoo?
I have zero. I am quite fond of them on other people, I just don't know of anything I want on me forever.

29. What is the meaning behind them, to you?
Again, zero.

30. Hand made gifts are great, right? Besides those, what is something you enjoy recieving?
Letters. I like when people write out their thoughts or feelings, it's nice because you can hold on to it.

31. Has a friend ever stabbed you in the back?
Kind of, I guess. Who cares? I obviously got past it.

32. What is your favorite form of exercise?
Running, for sure.

33.What is something you own, that guaranteed when you slip it on, you will feel sexy?
I don't know?

34.What is your favorite comfort food?
Almost anything except sweets, I don't like sweets.

35. What is a favorite surprise you've experienced?
Honestly I have no idea, I'd have to think about it.

________________________________________

What is your first name?
Leslie

How old are you?
18
What year and month were you born?
March 1991

What is your bf/gf's name?
I don't have one.

Are you racist? be honest!
Not at all. Racism is one of the few things I really can not tollerate.

What are you allergic to?
cats, dogs, trees, grass, dust, ect.

do you drink?
I do, but not very often.

Name one of the nicest things you've done for someone.
Loved them, and was honest, faithful, supportive, and loyal.
I believe those are the nicest things you can do.

What are the simple things you really apprecaite?
Things like good moring and good night texts.
Things people do not becasue they feel they should, but becasue they want to, because they care.

Do you have your own computer?
Yes, I do.

what foods do you hate?
I dont like onions or garlic at all.

What are your pet peeves?
When people don't call when they are going to be late.
Being expected to believe a lie, even when it's clearly bullshit.
People wasting my time, I prefer you just be straight forward with me, even if it's not what I want to hear, I will respect you more for your honesty.
Slow drivers.
Being ignored.

Have you had sex?If so how old were you?
Yes, first time I was 15.

do you want to get married someday?
It's on my list. One day.

Do you have your own car?what kind and what year?
Yes, it's in my name. It's a chevy trailblazer 2003.

are you a dog person or a cat person?
Dog person, and mostly big dogs.

What's the last thing you said that you wish you didn't say?
I don't have that happen much. I tend to only say what I mean, so I wouldn't take it back, and when I am angry I ask for space so not to say those things I don't really mean that would hurt someone.

Are you rubber or glue?
I am tape?

If you were gone for a long period of time, who would you visit first?
When I got back? The people that matter. My family first, obviously, how ever long or brief, and then all the other people I wanted to see. I might even ask that they be ready to meet me as soon as I was back.

Who do you miss?
I miss quite a few people.

Have you bit anyone recently?
hahaha

Are you excited for anything?
A great many things, but I try not to get my hopes up, I have been let down before. I try not to plan for things to happen, instead I just let them unfold.

Have you ever had someone sleep over without your parents knowing?
Yes.

What are the last two digits of your cell phone number?
83

How do you want to die?
I don't give it much thought, I just want to die happy with the life I lead.

What's something you really want right now?
As usual things out of my reach.

Worst habit?
Having habits in the first place.

If you could go back in time and change something, would you?
Hurting people.

Who of the opposite sex knows you the best?
A few of them know me well, I am not sure which one knows me best.

Do you wish someone would turn up at your front door right now?
Depents on who.

Ever kissed someone who's name started with a R, S, T, or J?
S,T,J

What do you do when you're nervous?
Get really quite. think too fast.

Do you like being single?
Both have their perks. I dont know that I really enjoy it right now though. I am not so much looking for stupid little flings, though i prefered them at some points in my life.

Do you think you'll make a good husband/wife?
I will do my best to put them first, so yes, I think I will one day.
Love them, respect them, support them, be loyal.

Do you have trust issues?
I don't know. You see, I don't see failing to place trust in untrustworthy people to be much of an issue. If I don't trust someone, I have reasons, but I try not to make it impossible to earn my trust back, but it will take effort.

Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed on the lips?
Yes.

Does anyone have feelings for you?
I have no idea. I guess.

Is anyone else in the room with you?
No.